‘There’s Fear in the Air’ Series
“Everything that was in me – I gave to him”. She was saying that she had nothing to give to anyone else. She had a point. Relationships have different levels. The deeper the level of friendship you have with someone, the less in number you have. If you have many shallow relationships, you can have many friends. So, the next time you complain about having no friends, take an inventory of the ones you do have. Are they deep relationships? Are they shallow? It is difficult to share yourself with many people on a deeper level. When you get married, your relationship with your parents’ changes. When a family has children, the relationships change. Actually, when they change, it could be that they become deeper, but sometimes ‘deeper’ has the illusion of shallow when it really is not. A good relationship can easily turn into a bitter experience. Think through all your relationships. Are they good for you, what can you do to make them better? Because we do not understand these dynamics, we fear relationships.
Just like a child growing up, relationships change and grow. It is what makes life worth living. No child has a complete ability to understand that principle, but as a child grows, he develops the cognitive skills to solve relationship problems and conflicts.
“It takes many good deeds to build a good reputation,
and only one bad one to lose it.”
Benjamin Franklin, 1706-1790
Right Way of Relating to People
Start with yourself.
- Do you accept yourself?
- How solid is your confidence level?
- Can you admit it when you have made a genuine mistake?
- Are you comfortable with who you really are?
- Do you focus on others to please them or are you available to help them?
- What is your self-control level?
- Are you a listener?
- Can you empathize with another person?
- Do you become possessive or jealous easily?
- If you are a child, how do you relate to those in authority over you?
- If you are a parent, are you a good example to your children, other children, other parents?
- If you are single, are you someone others can trust?
- Do you learn from your mistakes?
Pick a variety of types of friends
- Develop healthy relationships with them.
- Make good relationships deeper
- Save the deepest relationships with only a few
- Pick and choose your close friends, but do not shun anyone
- Know who you are and do not change for others
Make sure that what you say is what you mean to say.
- Choose your words carefully. Sometimes that means not saying anything at all.
- Seek to clarify that the other person understands what you meant to say.
- listen carefully to what others say and tell them what you think they said.
- If you are hard of hearing, then tell others and let them know you want to hear them.
- When you are with someone, make sure you are concentrating on them.
- Listen more than you talk, when others sense you respect them, they are open to hearing what you are saying.
Wrong Way of Having a Relationship
People with problems with attract the same type of individuals for the purpose of staying where they are, or to feel safe. The first steps are always involved in developing a true and positive view of themselves. It is always a relationship in progress. Ask yourself some more questions to find out whether you are attracting the people you want to be with.
- Is this a person I can trust?
- Do other people say this person is honest and follows through with promises?
- Does this person have a controlling or argumentative or hostile personality?
- In a conflict, does this person stay calm?
- Why am I attracted to this person? Is that reason a true one?
- Do we have similar beliefs, and similar interests?
- Will this person make me a better person?
- Do I want to become like this person?
- Am I dependent on this person for things that I need to be responsible for?
- Am I thinking that this person will do something for me or make me happy?
*Source of Quotes: Benjamin Franklin
*Note: ‘There’s Fear in the Air’ Series, started in September 2019, prepared me for handling the COVID19 crisis better.
