And How I wished I Could Talk with Her
The Truth of Mom’s Dementia was Difficult
My Mom and I never got along. I understand why now, but I certainly did not cope with it well when I was younger. But as she aged, that no longer seemed important. She needed care and I was the one available. I had always wanted to get to know my mom more, and now I had the opportunity. I felt grateful to know the truth of her condition. This would come dear to me later, on Valentine’s Day.
She and my dad were living alone. She was 82, my dad was 85. Mom was showing signs of advanced Dementia. He was her caregiver and was becoming worn out. Her dementia had started years ago, and the family knew something was wrong. Dad took her out with him on errands and they ate out often, but he had to watch her every moment. Mom had had an accident that nearly took her life and left her with minor brain damage when she was 50. She started having ‘mini strokes’ as they called them. The TIA’s were getting more frequent. She developed a dementia called Lewy Body Dementia. She had a combination of Vascular Dementia and Lewy Body Dementia. Two of the most common types of dementia according to Alzheimer’s Association. *1
Symptoms of Lewy Body Dementia with Vascular Dementia
Symptoms of Lewy Body Dementia include visual hallucinations. My mom would be looking out the window and commenting about how nicely the children were playing. She sometimes would know that there was nothing but the empty porch and trees and say, “I know they aren’t there – but I think it’s funny that I see them.” At that time, Mom did not have any problem physically moving around and kept with her regular routines. We did notice that at times, she did odd things, like putting something in the closet that did not belong there. She was always moving papers around.
She was starting to have high blood pressure and had severe constipation. Her concentration was poor, we noticed memory loss and she started becoming very confused. One of her problems was that she started becoming frightened or angered easily and would want to run out the door and down the road. More than once, my dad and my brother had to go out after her.
The Focus They Had on Life – Loyalty and Caregiver
Dad and Mom loved to help others; they spent their vacations helping ministries they supported. With Mom’s decline in health, Dad elected to give that up. He still would not ask for help until it became too much for him. I was not aware of much of what was going on until he asked for help. I started going over there more frequently to give Dad a break.
Dad would take Mom to the hospital when she had abdominal pains or other problems. One day he took her for a checkup to their doctor and the doctor sent both of them to the hospital. Dad was neglecting his health. He had had a heart attack. Now they were in 2 different hospitals at the same time. That really got my attention.
Solutions For Caregiving Needs Began
I started arranging for home care on my own. Mom had been able to stay in a nursing home for a while, but she was admitted to the Dementia ward after showing dementia behavior on the regular floor. She cried all the time she was in the nursing home, my dad decided to take her out. I was with them most of the time now.
I found a caregiver was who was perfect for them. I was able to pay for it, and she met them, and it was arranged. But my dad suffered a major stroke and died before I could engage her. The family decided to send my mom to my other brother’s home. That is where she stayed until she died 6 years later.
Not feeling ready to give up on my mom’s care, I set up care for her at my daughter’s home for 2 months. I took her to natural health practitioners and developed a plan for her medically. By the end of the time, I had with her, she was walking better, cognitively and emotionally calmer and everyone noticed the difference. I wanted to have more time with her. If I had known more about Adult Family Home Care, that would have been the perfect fit for both Mom and I, and I would have been able to be with her until she died.
Regrets and Closure
I have regrets about not being able to care for my mom. It was out of my hands. Mom was a character, and I would so much have liked getting to know her better after my stormy growing up years. But she is safe and happy now. I am glad for her.
My daughter and I were able to say goodbye to her after she died. We went to the funeral home to see her. It was the closure that both of us needed.
Information obtained from Alzheimer’s Association:
