‘There Is Fear in the Air’ Series

Bullies – Definition

According to Merriam-Webster is “a blustering, browbeating person; especially: one who is habitually insulting, or threatening to others who are weaker, smaller, or in some way vulnerable”.

Pertinent synonyms: Persecutor. Oppressor. Tyrant. Tormentor. Browbeater. Intimidator. Coercer. Ruffian. Thug

1. Decide not to bully back.

Bullies are always going to be here. Let me give you a start on how to not let them control your life. I realized early on in my life that the only thing I had to decide is whether I was going to be like them. After I decided no, it was easier to decide how I would handle them.

Who are these bullies? They can be anyone and will bully some and not others. They will bully sometimes and at other times leave the same people alone. It depends on their agenda, their season in life, their purpose at the time and their insecurity level.

2. Put an end to the bully.

Bullies live with us. They bully at school, at work, at church, at social gatherings. In fact, there just is no end to their harassments. Road rage, domestic abuse, and all forms of abuse have at its base – a bully. I grew up being bullied, now I tire of it. Finally, when I was bullied at work, I decided to do something about it.

That sounds ominous. Using anger to stop the intimidation will not be effective. Trying to control others by anger does not work, it always will explode and then ‘there be the fool again’ – it would start all over again. I learned I could not give them fuel to their mean ways.

“Fools Are Without Number”

Desiderius Erasmus Roterodamus – A Dutch philosopher

3. Regain your ground.

Stop this merry-go-round, by sabotaging it. Change the way the bullies think by changing your thinking. I started thinking differently. Here is a partial checklist I used to turn around my thinking:

1. Have I ever been like them?
2. Who have bullied in the past?
3. When was I first tormented?
4. Did I feel powerless when I was first bullied?
5. What negative emotions do I feel when I am threatened?
6. Did I feel any positive emotions while being intimidated?
7. Were the people I associated with bullied?
8. Did the people I lived with let the bullies go uncorrected?
9. How did I see other people who were oppressed react?
10. I crossed examined every little detail I could think of regarding any bullying situation.

4. The Issue was Never Me.

I had to get to this thought process to see the issue clearly. The issue was never me. There is nothing wrong with me except that I was looking at myself as a victim. That is something I always did. That is why I was always cornered. Bullies always oppress someone that they PERCEIVE as weaker, smaller, or vulnerable. I was always on the defensive because I expected to be intimidated because I WAS threatened in the past, and I was on guard for the next bullying event to come. I brought it on by my victim mentality. Looking back, I can see that my reaction made the harassments continue.

5. Futile Attempts to Stop the Attacks,

I chose to stop it instead of waiting to be the next victim. Admirable try, except for 1 major flaw in my thinking. I used to think that I could just turn the situation around and become a better person. And I have become a better person. But the situation never stopped. It actually increased incidents and caused disrespect toward me.

To be a better person would be best spent by stopping the bullying. I thought:

• If I endured, I Still could stop it happening to others.
• It does not help stop victimization by leaving.
• The problem is compounded and increases when others fight back.
• There are some who choose not to acknowledge the incidents.
• Other people let bullying continue unchecked and ignore it.
• Some turn their heads and choose blindness. They choose not to see conflicts.

6. Freedom for me.

I am free to respond how I want to respond. The fear that I will be harassed again is erased – a process that may take time. But I have much support, much reinforcement. I am free.

7. Learn how to respond.

1. Respond opposite to what they want you to. Learn how to control your anger and just smile, knowing you won.
2. Try treating them the way you want to be treated. They will not expect it.
3. Know that you are not the problem. Their insecurities make them want to believe that you are.
4. Find what you can agree on, maybe you need an area to grow. You do not have to be their friend to agree with them.
5. Stop and think through what you say before you say it.

In the 16th Century, Bully Meant ‘Friend’

Do you realize that bully used to call a person the closest friend you have? That bully was a positive and something very excellent. It was an expression of admiration or approval in the 16^th century. I hear people say it now. “Bully for him.”

Stop the Bully

So, the plan to stop bullying, necessitates finding a way to rethink the situation. Concentrate on what may be going on in the others life or the others mind. What hurts are they covering up? What evil drives their action? What do they really want? What do I really want?

The questions continue, the changes continue. I am truly a changed person. I hope that I can change your thinking.

Note: “Fear in the Air” series was started on September 3, 2019, several months before the COVID19 scare occurred.