A Memory That Can Not be Erased

A lesson in Trust

My Dad was a very scheduled and timed man. Even though he was not the most social, he was the best Dad and the only Dad I have ever had.

I treasure the fact that the memories of my dad that are positive and I try to understand any negative ones to make them benefit me.

DAD, Remember the situation you got yourself and us in when we were camping way out in the California mountains? We had to get out of a mud hole out in the middle of who knows where. All your brothers were there, and we made it out, but the next one in line did not. Maybe I saw a video of it or pictures, but the image is still sharp and clear. You were all having fun, laughing, filling the mud holes with branches and whatever you could find trying to make a board platform out of there. The light was failing but I enjoyed watching you.

Except that I was scared, I felt I could trust you.

Then there was the time we hiked, and we stayed out too late. It became dark too early. Walking through the scary, eerie woods I knew must have something to eat me up. We had just been visiting the ‘haunted place” up in the state park. You and mom told us to “hang on to and hug a tree” while you stumbled down in the literally pitch dark to find the car. That was comforting to hug a tree, I still remember the feel of the rough bark next to my face of the big tree that I could not get my arms around. I smell the woodsy, earthy but refreshing outdoor scents. I felt safe there.

I learned I could trust you again.

But that time of trauma – our family devastated and torn apart. I still remember the screams and the little VW bug tearing out of the driveway at a much earlier time than your scheduled time. I remember the soft crying of the girls who had a sleep over with my sister. I heard my mom telling me the bad news. That never leaves me. I felt so lost and wondered what was going to happen.

I was not sure I could trust you.

You were so frustrated and angry inside all of the time, but you came to terms with yourself, and with God a friendly way that night. I had almost given up hope that my life would ever be healed.

No one cared. I lost hope and trust.

Panicked, I made my own plans that would change my life forever. But before I could act on them, our family was restored. you started changing. I remember when you and mom poured out all the alcohol in the house. I did not even realize that you drank too much. It was the beginning of the rest of your life. You had a second chance.

I saw you change; I could trust again.

This time I started to see God in the picture. I saw each member of our family change. I did not even know I needed a change in my life. We started the process of changing our lives because of your decision to change yours. It took a few years, but a new life spread to each of us and then some. In your old age you were an example of a changed life to the whole quiet community you lived in. No one was the same after being with you for a while.

All it took was your decision to stand by God’s side and then, I could trust you again.

No virus world crisis will ever change that memory. You are not here, but you live on in my memories and my children’s memories. Thank you, Dad. Thank you for taking care of Mom. Thank you for being a “Granddad” to my kids.

I love you, Dad.